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In general terms, there are three different types of divorces:

• Contested Divorce: You and your spouse cannot agree on the terms of your divorce. The divorce is presided by a Judge, yet, this doesn’t necessarily mean that there will be a trial. Less than 5% of actual divorce cases go to a full trial. In the other 95% of divorces, the parties will eventually settle the terms of the divorce.
• Uncontested Divorce: You and your spouse agree on ALL of the terms of your divorce. Typically, this option is used by couples that have no children and no assets.
• Divorce Mediation: This is where you and your spouse will go to mediation to work out all the terms of your divorce. This option is typically best used by couples that can work together in resolving their differences.

1. Obtain copies of your financial statements. You will need copies of your recent tax returns, bank statements, investment statements, insurance statements, deeds, wills etc. You should make at least two copies of these financial statements and have them ready for your attorney.
2. Prepare a budget. You should prepare a detail budget, knowing that your spouse will no longer be contributing any income.
3. Living situation. Obviously, after the divorce, you and your spouse will be living in separate residences. If you will need to obtain a new residence, you should research the market and determine how much it will cost you. If you will be remaining in the residence, you will have one less income and one less person to help with the household expenses and chores.
4. Take an inventory and photographs. Take an inventory of all of the personal property, especially any property that you want to keep. It is also a good idea to take photographs of the personal property. Too many times, in a divorce, expensive jewelry or other items will “disappear”.
5. Children issues: If you have children, you need to decide what type of custody you want after the divorce and how much time you want with your children. If you want to obtain custody, then you should evaluate the pros and cons of why a court should grant you custody. If you will be paying child support, make sure you factor this into your post-divorce financial situation.

Here is how you can help to make your divorce shorter:

1. Cooperate with your attorney. If you attorney requests that you provide documents, then provide those documents. The longer you take to provide documents, the longer your divorce will take.
2. Treat your divorce as a “business deal”. Of course, a divorce is an emotional time, and if there are children involved, you must think of their best interests. However, when it comes to assets, debts and other financial aspects of your divorce, it is best to treat it like a business. Do not get caught up into the emotional aspects when dealing with assets. As just one example, when considering whether to keep, sell or give to your spouse some personal property, you must evaluate both the real cost of the item and the legal cost to fight for that item.
3. Listen to your attorney. If your attorney tells you to do something or not to do something, then it is wise to listen to that advice. Too many clients will “shoot themselves in the foot” and make things worse.
4. Tell your attorney, the truth and the whole truth: It is important that your attorney, knows everything, especially if it something that is negative or could hurt you. It is also important to tell your attorney all the facts as soon as possible. This will allow your attorney to plan a strategy to overcome the negative facts against you.

1. Using your friends and family for your legal advice. When you are going through a divorce, many well-intentioned friends and family members will give you their advice. They typically will start by saying “In my divorce, I got …”. Although, they mean well, each divorce is unique and just because your friend “got” something, doesn’t mean that you will.
2. Not telling your attorney the truth or telling your attorney only “half the story.” One of the worst mistakes you can make is not telling your attorney everything and/or not telling your attorney the truth. Invariably the true facts and the entire facts will come out. If you fail to tell your attorney everything, that will only put your attorney and your divorce in a bad situation. Indeed, if the Judge believes that you lied or that you are evading the truth, this will lead the Judge to believe that you are always lying. Even if the facts are embarrassing, you must tell your attorney all of the facts.
3. Representing yourself. No matter how much reading and studying of the law that you do, if you try to represent yourself, you will most likely will fail. First, you are too emotionally involved in the case. Your divorce needs someone who can separate the emotional aspects of your case from the facts of the case. Second, you will never be able to bring the years of experience that a seasoned attorney can to the case. As the saying goes, only a fool would represent themselves in a case. Third, your attorney will know strategies on how best to handle your situation.
4. Using your attorney as your therapist. Attorneys are trained in the law they are not mental health professionals. If you need a therapist, then you need to hire one.
5. Posting on Facebook (or other social media sites). Clients will post all sorts of things on Facebook. Everything you say and post will be held against you. While you are going through a divorce, the best thing you can do, is to never use Facebook.

In New York, there are three basic types of child custody:

1. Sole Custody: This is where the Mother or the Father has sole decision making about the upbringing and raising of the children. That person will make all the important decisions concerning the child’s life and does not have to consult with the other parent over these decisions.
2. Joint Legal Custody, With Residential Custody to One Spouse: This is where the Mother and Father share decision making about the upbringing and raising of the children. However, one spouse will have "residential custody", which means that the children will primarily reside with that spouse. For purposes of child support, the parent who has residential custody will be the parent who receives child support. This is the most common type of custody.
3. Joint Legal Custody, With Shared Physical Custody: This is where the Mother and Father equally share decision making about the upbringing and raising of the children. In addition, both parents have equal time with the children (or at least very close to equal time). At least in New York, this is still fairly rare.

It is important not to confuse “custody” with “parenting time”. Custody, primarily means who makes decisions for the child. While, parenting time (which goes by many other names, such as “access time”, “visitation” etc.) involves what time the parents have with the child.

1. Child support ends at 18 years of age. This is False. In New York State, child support ends at 21 years of age. There are some very limited exceptions, which your attorney can explain to you.
2. The house (deed) is in my name only, so my spouse doesn't own it. Probably False. Typically, if you bought the house after your marriage, it doesn't matter that the deed is only in your name, you and your spouse will have equal ownership. There can be some exceptions, so you need to discuss this with your attorney.
3. My spouse had an extra-marital affair, so I will get more money for child support or maintenance. Almost always False. Rarely does an extra-marital affair affect the amount of child support or maintenance that you will receive. Again, there are exceptions, and every situation is different.
4. Once the Judge hears my side of the story, the Judge will give me what I want. Almost always False. Judges follow the law. More importantly, Judges rarely give you what you want and there is the common saying, there is your side, your spouse's side and the truth. In addition, Judges rarely hear your “side of the story”, as that typically only happens at trial. Most divorce cases settle, and trials are very rare. Even if there is a trial, you don’t get to “tell a story”, you answer questions from your attorney. After that, your spouse’s attorney gets to do cross-examination, where they get to put “holes” in your testimony.
5. Myth: The amount of child support that I will pay is based on my take-home pay. This is False. You have your gross pay and then your take-home or net pay. However, the amount of child support that you will pay is not based on your take-home pay or on your net pay. The amount of child support is mostly based on your gross income, and usually you only get to deduct the amount that you paid in Social Security taxes and Medicare taxes. This amount will be a lot more than your take-home pay.